Thursday, September 18, 2008

Bio-Dad

I know the rest of my posts have been about my divorce, but with my birthday being this week, my dad is weighing on my mind.

My parents divorced when I was very young - I have no memories of them together and have never seen a picture of me with both of them. I was fortunate, though, because although my parents despised each other, I spent a lot of time with both of them as well as my maternal and paternal grandparents.

That is until 6th grade. It was then that my dad remarried to a woman (step-mom #1) that I did not get along with. She convinced him to move to southern Missouri, where she is from - no call, no nothing, to me to let me know this was happening.

My mom made me go down there for a 2 week visit the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I WAS MISERABLE. I'll be the first to admit I could be pretty prissy and along with that came bratty when I was younger. Things had to be a certain way, the house had to be clean, etc. Well...their house was disgusting. Her 2 daughters were evil...they threw their crap any and everywhere. I remember the kitchen being disgusting, as well as the bathroom. Of course there was no bedroom for me, so I had to sleep on the couch and had no where to put my things. The nearest mall was 2 hours away and the only place we went was church. I called my mom everyday crying for her to come and get me.

My dad was in a Christian singing group that traveled to auditoriums/churches to perform. The last straw for me was when he tried to pass step-mom#1 off as my mother to hide the fact that he was divorced. Ummmm....excuse me, this woman is NOT my mother. I had had it - he drove me back home the next day and I never saw her again.

I remember crying at my 8th grade graduation because my bio-dad was there. When I graduated from high school, I refused to invite him. Luckily my mom agreed that it was my decision.

They divorced shortly thereafter, after she gave birth to my youngest brother.

Somehow my dad ended up in the middle of nowhere Tennessee and had full custody of my brother- he was working at the....are you ready for this...Piggly Wiggly. And he had apparently met a woman that was a checker there and they decided to get married. Do you think he bothered to tell me??? Nope.

Well, I guess that's not fair on my part, he was considerate enough to send me an e-mail the day before the wedding informing me that it was happening. Classy, huh?

Shortly after the wedding, he convinced my grandma to move down there so he could help her more...scratch that, I mean she could help him pay his bills. My grandma moving there was the only thing that got me to visit - HER, never my dad.

I'll just say Step-mom#2 is C-R-A-Z-Y!!! I'm talking certifiable.

The morning of my wedding I get a frantic call from Grandma who said she may not be able to come because the bitch decided she didn't want to meet any of my dad's family and my dad was going along with it. The next call is that Grandma is now driving from Tennessee to St. Louis BY HERSELF!!! I couldn't believe this was happening. I mean, I couldn't really do much about it. It is a 4 hour drive each way, it's not like I could leave and go and get her.

Finally bitch decides she would come and they all start the drive. Apparently it was a miserable drive and the bitch bitched the whole way here. Wanna know the kicker, when they got to my wedding bitch wouldn't get out of the car. SERIOUSLY!!! She sat in the damn car during pictures and for the entire ceremony!!! And because of her, they had to leave right after the ceremony. I could have given a rat's ass about my bio-dad being there, but this mean that my Grandma had to leave. I could have killed that woman. I have yet to see her since this happened and apparently my Grandma won't talk to her either.

My dad is very lucky that my Grandma lives close to him - if it weren't for that I would never have any sort of communication with him. Hell, as it is I see him for a total of about 10 minutes a year and talk to him for maybe 2 of those 10 minutes.

I feel bad about it because I know it hurts my Grandma to see us not get along. Again, I know nothing of why my parents divorced. Some days I think I want to know, but others I don't. To me, it doesn't really matter. I mean, even if my mother cheated on him with 2,000 men, that has nothing to do with me. He was man enough to make a baby - he should be man enough to be a father. How hypocritical is it for him to be a Christian, a music minister for his church, and to basically deny he has another child???

I spent most of my adolescent years as well as my early 20s resenting my little brother. How was it fair that my dad disowned me, but then had full custody of him??? What did I do??? Obviously, I know the answer is nothing and I know what's done is done. There is no going back. I don't think I could ever forgive my dad for hurting me, but I guess he'd have to ask for forgiveness before I could really contemplate that choice.

I am now at a place in my life where I am at peace with the situation. I'm stubborn and I'm not going to be the first to give in. Apparently he feels the same way. I've just learned to live with the fact that my dad will never be there and he cars so little about me that he almost let his 3rd bitch of a wife make him miss my wedding.

Thank God I have a mom and a step-dad who love me and who would do anything in the world to make me happy!!!

3 comments:

leah @maritalbless said...

Oh Jenn. When we spoke of this previously, I had no idea. You might have another email coming from me.

N. said...

Jenn, I can relate, but in reverse... my parents are also divorced, and I haven't spoken to my mother in 2 years. I also got an e-mail informing me she was getting married; I have never met my 'stepdad,' and they've been married a year. She apparently has no desire to have any contact with me, as I was the only one putting any effort forward for a year. I have since come to terms with it, and am just grateful I have a wonderful dad, and that I adore my stepmom.
It's hard to go through anything like this, but when it's one of your parents... it changes you. If you ever want to talk to someone who can understand, you have my e-mail.

Boyd Team said...

Jenn, I am so sorry you had to go through this. My half brother and half sister call their "real dad" Bio and I've never had the best relationship with my Father. My Mom has tried for years to make up for it. I feel your pain and if you ever need someone to talk to I will always be there.